Gay man to help the Pope with his image problems

YOUR image, frankly, is crap – and the organisation you head is constantly being trashed, particularly in films.

So who do you recruit for a root-and-branch make over? Why, a gay man, of course – preferably one with a background in film and opera.

What! Even if your name is Pope Benedict XVI!?

Yes, we too did a double-take when we learned this week that the ghastly old faggot-basher has apparently invited Franco Zefferelli to improve both his own image, and that of the Catholic Church.

One supposes that Ratzinger, 80, concluded that, at 84, Zeffirelli was well past the point of rumpy-pumpy, and could, therefore, safely be allowed to totter around the Vatican without so much as a lascivious wink or a lecherous, lip-smacking grin at novice priests and members of the Swiss Guard.

According to a report in the Age, Zeffirelli believes that the cinematic image of the Catholic Church is “in ruins”, and the Pope lacks a “happy” image.

Zeffirelli, the openly gay film, TV and opera legend who is also a devout Christian, revealed that he had been asked by the Pope to be his image consultant, and also to be a consultant responsible for “defending the faith in cinema, the image of the sacred”.

In an interview published in La Stampa, Zeffirelli, said that the Pope did not have a “happy” image.

“Coming after a Pope as telegenic as John Paul II is a difficult task,” he said.

Benedict, elected in 2005, came across coldly, which was “not suited to his surroundings”, Zeffirelli said, adding that the Pope’s wardrobe should also be reviewed.

His robes were too sumptuous and flashy, the director of Jesus of Nazareth and Romeo and Juliet told La Stampa. They should instead reflect “the simplicity and sobriety” seen in the other echelons of the church.

The 80-year-old German Pope did not smile much, but was an intellectual, Zeffirelli added.

The Pope also wanted Zeffirelli to improve the manner in which the Church was depicted in films.

The holy father is very aware that the church’s cinematographic communication is in ruins today. I am a Christian down to the depths of my spirit. I can’t stand by while this disaster unfolds. I am available to put myself at the service of the Church.

Zeffirelli said he has brainstormed ideas with the Pope and senior Vatican officials, but will get to work in earnest after his staging of Puccini’s Tosca next month.

Zeffirelli himself has been criticised by religious groups for what they call the “blasphemous” representation of biblical figures in his films.

He has also earned the wrath of the gay community for publicly backing the Roman Catholic Church’s rampant homophobia.

According to Wikipedia, the online encyclopaedia, film director Bruce Robinson claimed to have been the unwilling target of sexual advances by Zeffirelli during the filming of Romeo and Juliet in which Robinson had a minor acting role.

Robinson says that he based the lecherous character of Uncle Monty in the film Withnail and I on Zeffirelli.

The Pope’s latest broadside against homosexuality is to be delivered on World Peace Day on January 1, when he will describe gay marriage as “an obstacle on the road to peace.”

The German-born pontiff will claim that peace and the family are inherently linked and any threat to the “traditional family” would be opposed by Catholics.

Cardinal Renato Martino, president of the Pontifical Council for Justice and Peace, explained the thinking behind the Papal statement.

Many legislative initiatives work against peace by weakening the family founded on marriage between a man and a woman, by directly or indirectly forcing families not to be open to accepting a morally responsible life, or by not recognising the family as having primary responsibility in the education of children.

With garbage like this being spouted by Vatican officials, is it any wonder that the Catholic Church has an image problem?