THE zany story that broke this week about the hijacking in Florida of a Jesus cracker – or Corpus Crispie – and the fear of Catholics that it might be “abused” by its kidnapper – got us wondering what indignities Freethinker readers might heap on a blessed Eucharist, should they ever decide to take one hostage.
So we decided to launch The Great Jesus Crust Abuse Challenge. Let us know by July 31 what you would do with a holy wafer. More creative entrants might even like to film their abuse, and post their videos on YouTube.
But we implore you to make sure that no children or animals are harmed in the process.
The entry judged the most imaginative wins a year’s free subscription to the print edition of the Freethinker.
UPDATE: The hostage cracker row has turned ugly – very ugly indeed. Catholics are now calling for the head of P Z Myers, a professor at the University of Minnesota Morris and creator of the hugely popular Pharyngula blog.
Myers was one of the first to comment on the news of the kidnapped cracker in an hilarious post, “It’s a Frackin’ Cracker” – and he is now receiving death threats.
Furthermore, the Catholic League is now calling on the university to take action against him.
Catholic League President Bill Donohue said:
It is hard to think of anything more vile than to intentionally desecrate the Body of Christ. We look to those who have oversight responsibility to act quickly and decisively.
Oh, and may we remind you that our photo caption contest is still open until July 31.
We used the picture on the right in an earlier post, and invited captions. You can see what others have submitted in the comments section here.
Again, the prize is an annual subscription to the Freethinker.
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The Freethinker was founded in 1881 by GW Foote, an outspoken critic of religion. After the publication of 
July 12th, 2008 at 9:10 am
I’d cover it in Marmite. That’s the worst abuse you can inflict on ANY cracker. Then I’d throw it to a gull. Oh, scrap that last part. I’ve just seen the ‘no cruelty to animals’ rule.
July 12th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
I don’t care what the priest does or says over this cracker it is still a cracker and not very good one at that. honor a cracker but cover up for the pedophiles that seem to run rampant in your so called church
July 12th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Im going to take the Chalinge –but no children will be harmed in the prosess unlike within the Catholic church itself
July 12th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
Since I suspect some of the same people upset about this are the ones who claim we’re not actually torturing anybody, I have the perfect answer for what to do with “Christ in (not on) a cracker”.
Holy waterboarding.
July 12th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Ideas:
1) Cut off little pieces and mail them separately, one a day, to a Catholic church, complete with newspaper-cut-out ransom notes.
2) Two men in a passionate embrace, kissing each other with the cracker between their mouths. Abomination Mania! (Abomania?)
July 12th, 2008 at 6:02 pm
Marcus is right. Marmite should only ever be put on toast. Anything less would be sacrilege.
I would give Jesus a Parsi funeral by putting transubstantiated crackers out on my bird feeders. A nice irony would be if they were eaten by Hoopoe - the bird is not considered kosher.
July 13th, 2008 at 1:12 pm
What I would do with my crackers is paint them and create a last supper scene. But instead title it the last orgy. What it would be is a scene of Jesus and his 12 disciples having a male on male orgy. Above Paul we could put the caption “If I had meant homosexuality. I would of used the word paiderasste instead of arsenokoitai”.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:50 pm
Is there any difference between this and communion wafers? I’ve long thought that Nabisco could make good money on new “Nabisco Bits-O-Jesus” wafers to commune with the lord at home. Great with peanut butter and jelly, chicken salad, guacamole, cheese or just about any topping. In fact, Kraft would then come out with their new Sweet Cheeses line.
July 14th, 2008 at 1:25 am
My better half says she’d do what she was told all her childhood to never do (she’s ex-Catholic). She’d chew it before swallowing it, and she’d do so right after having a full meal (apparently they were supposed to have not eaten anything for at least an hour before taking communion).
I’d take it on a grand tour of San Francisco’s greatest LGBT landmarks, and take photos of it in each location. (Remember the “stolen garden gnome” ads?)
July 14th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I’d get as many as I could, crush them up and then use them to stuff a teddy bear, which I would call Mohammed….
Oh what fun !!
Rog
July 16th, 2008 at 6:10 pm
I’d take a picture of some muslims playing ’soggy biscuit’ with it.
July 26th, 2008 at 11:14 am
I would hold big Trial open to the Public for declaring itself King of the crackers, Then I’d condemn it to death via the cross.
Obviously Id leave it in a cave/tomb for 3 days (not before sprinkling a bit of self raising flour on it!) (Sorry)until done.
I’d then open the tomb and then tread on it before it ascends to heaven.
September 23rd, 2008 at 3:34 pm
Was the winner to this ever announced ??
Rog