THE curtain has just gone up on a crucifix-and-crotch-grabbing musical in Melbourne, Australia – and confused Christians there are unable to decide whether to be elated, or grossly offended.

Inported from the US, where it has notched up a number of successes, Altar Guyz is supposed to rip the piss mercilessly out of boy bands. Or to be more specific, grisly Christian rock boy bands.

The fictitious band’s line-up features Matthew (the leader of the pack with the heart of a saint), Mark (an overtly gay and winsome young man with deep faith in Cher), Luke (the wild one with a strong interest in communion wine), Juan (an orphan searching for his parents, who also has an eye for the girls) and Abraham (a nice Jewish boy who’s not quite sure how he ended up in the band).

An excellent line in the show comes when the boys ask Abraham:

Are Jews allowed in church?

He replies:

Well, I think I saw one on the cross over the altar.

But, judging from the reviews we have read, it disappointingly fails to come over as parody, and looks more like a carbon copy of the very bands it should be sending up.

That said, we loved this deliciously camp YouTube clip.

Stand by for another hysterical (as in hilarious) press release from Stephen “Birdshit” Green …